Where is Rowena?

Step 3:  Quietly weep.

Step 4:  Recover senses. Decide to line bottom of suitcase with bulky clothes so as to protect important possessions (i.e. Kurt Geiger collection) from scratches.

Step 5:  Empty contents of wardrobe onto floor. Commence Operation Decide-what-is-strictly-necessary.

Step 6:  Reject outlandish clothes that seemed like a good idea when you were in Camden market at age fifteen. Discard also too-small gym shorts that you forgot you had, wool jumper in a shade of pink so bright it could induce migraines, and embarrassingly try-hard fancy dress costumes.

Step 7:  Remember that will be in Italy until December therefore snow-friendly boots are going to be necessary.

Step 8:  Wonder whether wearing two pairs of shoes at once is A) possible and B) socially acceptable.

Step 9:  Conclude that it is neither.

Step 10:  Quietly weep.

Step 11: Stuff underwear inside snow-friendly boots to save space. Feel like Jesus.

Step 12:  Get distracted by Twitter.

Step 13:  Be prompted into continuing by sister who peers cautiously around the door and comments in disbelief on how messy you are.

Step 14: Get distracted by Facebook.

Step 15:  Resolve not to use computer until all vital clothes are packed.

Step 16:  Wonder whether it's insensitive to refer to clothes as 'vital'.

Step 17: Get distracted by overwhelming social guilt.

Step 18:  Put on motivational music to improve progress.

Step 19:  Realise only two pairs of heels will fit in suitcase.

Step 20:  Quietly weep.

Step 21:  Begin painful selection process. Feel like university admissions tutor.

Step 22: Decide on the two pairs that will 'go with everything'. Feel like a neglectful mother leaving the pink Carvelas behind.

Step 23: Actually make some progress on the clothing front. Attribute this in part to plan of stuffing everything that will fit into shoes.

Step 24: Experience uncomfortable moment of self-reflection upon realising just how many clothes you own. Inwardly pledge to give some away.

Step 25: Feel satisfied that all clothes deemed necessary fit into the case.

Step 26: Remember that you still haven't packed jackets, coats, and non-clothing items.

Step 27: Quietly weep.

Step 28: Take a shower to get rid of the guilt and self-hatred.

Step 29: Sit in damp towel pretending you don't have important stuff to do.

Step 30: Dry and style hair, apply make-up, and pick out a suitable travelling outfit, all while pretending you don't have important stuff to do.

Step 31: Remember that university halls in Italy don't provide bedding.

Step 32: Swear a lot.

Step 33: Unpack everything.

Step 34: Swear even more.

Step 35: Place sheets at bottom of suitcase and roll pillow up as small as it can go.

Step 36: Realise that no amount of stuffing underwear into things will make room for shoes in light of this additional issue.

Step 37: Uncontrollably weep.

Step 38: Contemplate changing university courses.

Step 39: Browse UCAS for alternative degrees that can be applied for with current A Levels.

Step 40: Remember that university costs £9,000 per year now.

Step 41: Place beautiful shoes back on shelf and remind self that you probably would have got drunk and ruined them anyway.

Step 42: Fold everything that it is possible to fold.

Step 43: Feel like patron saint of folding when everything actually fits into suitcase.

Step 44: Drag suitcase to bathroom to ensure it is within the ridiculously low Ryanair weight limit.

Step 45: Spend ten minutes working out how to change scales from stones to kilos.

Step 46: Curse the UK's lack of enthusiasm regarding the metric system.

Step 47: Place suitcase precariously onto scales and cross fingers so hard that your risk of arthritis doubles instantly.

Step 48 Fall to your knees on the bathroom floor, praising any deity that may ever have existed, when suitcase is within the weight limit.

Step 49: Drop suitcase on foot while taking it downstairs.

Step 50: Quietly weep.

Image credit: Neus Oliver